Sometimes when you hyper-focus on one person’s needs, everyone else’s needs (including your own) are set aside. Jacob had a hard time getting off the bus yesterday. It took over half an hour of waiting him out while gently encouraging him to get off the bus. 

Typically, I’m fine with waiting him out if it’s in my own vehicle… but when it’s in a bus full of other special needs kids, who were freaking out because your son is freaking out… well… it’s not so easy.

I knew that I couldn’t meet his energy— and he needed me to remain calm… and at that moment it wasn’t the easiest thing to do. It feels like an uphill battle these days. The bus driver was looking to me for solutions because our son was holding up the bus, and causing other special needs kids to freak out. 

Mercy. 

After half an hour have passed, I finally thought of something that could work. So, I promised him we’d visit our old home. 

I honestly don’t know if I could ever do another move after this. It has been painfully hard on our son… which in turn has been hard on all of us.

I held it together through the bus incident, and allowed him the space to decompress at our old home… 

When I realize we may not arrive back in our new home in time to pick up my youngest daughter from her bus stop, I panicked. Freaked out on my husband who works an hour away from our home. Fortunately, Jakes finally was ready to head back to our new home. And of course, he’s in a frenzy— since he skipped his usual after-school snack. 

So, he’s throwing a tantrum in the kitchen, because his usual after-school snack routine was broken because we went to the old house. 

It felt like I just couldn’t win. 

I was operating from a place of stress. Of overwhelm. So, I stepped into our closet, cried for a few minutes before heading over to pick up my youngest daughter from her bus stop.

I knew I couldn’t parent, let alone show up as a healthy wife because I was depleted. I was hyper-focused on the needs of our son, that I couldn’t show up as a happy, healthy mama for my girls nor an appreciative wife for my husband. I was cranky and snappy… and I didn’t want to admit it. They wanted and tried so hard to make yesterday “the best day ever” because it was my birthday. And I just didn’t have the bandwidth. 

Because I was emotionally spent. 

I’ve spent some time in prayer this morning, and accessing how I could show up a little better than yesterday. 

And I realize I needed to create more pockets of margin. I absolutely have to allot that half an hour before the bus arrives back at home to pouring into myself and for me, that involves a lot of quiet. Sacred quiet for 30 minutes, so I can fill my emotional well and pour out onto others. 

I’m also going to include daily walks as part of my afternoon rhythm because I need that dose of fresh air. 

Home. The people who matter the most are within the walls of my own home… and I didn’t show up well for them yesterday. I have to find ways to care for myself so I can pour into the hearts and minds of those who are in this home. And I hope this encourages you to do the same. 

Create margin wherever you can find it, so you’re not showing up as a tired, grumpy wife and mom. 

Where can you create margin in your schedule?