This weekend my family and I attended a gathering for families of Autistic teens/young adults who are non-speakers (like our son Jacob). Towards the end of the evening, our son became dysregulated.

If you’re not part of the Autism community—keep reading— I promise it’ll change how you show up for your business. 

The more we pushed (it was time to leave and he wanted to stay), the more he resisted. 

When I removed myself (viewing the situation from the lens of an observer)— I was able to regulate my nervous system— shifting myself internally: I breathe. Said a prayer, asked God for a miracle in that moment. 

Then, I visualized what I wanted to happen. I kept rehearsing Jacob sitting up, smiling, putting on his backpack and making his way to the front door. Over and over and over again in my mind, as I remain in loving presence with our son. 

Instead of creating more resistance, I shifted into ease and flow. AND he could feel my energy shifting. And he began to shift. 

It wasn’t immediate, but shortly after— what I visualized manifested. Because I BELIEVED it would. I activated my faith. I didn’t pray and then kept pushing him. I prayed, asked for God’s miracle in that moment. And I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt it would happen. I shifted internally. And so it is. 

Here’s the epiphany: your external world shifts as your internal world shifts. 

And “how you see the world creates the world you see.” (A quote from my beloved mentor Barry Kaufman)

Out of your experiences, you get to decide what belief you want to hold onto. In this case, I could believe “omg. They’ll never invite us back.” Or “what a disaster this is.” Or “it was a mistake coming here.” Or “I’m so embarrassed.” Or “I’m never doing this again.”

Here is the BELIEF I DECIDED was most helpful and I could energetically get behind: “what amazing hosts. They were so kind and patient. Jacob met new friends and reunited with old ones. His body was dysregulated. And that’s okay. It’s something we can work on. Other than our little hiccup, we had a great time. I can’t wait to see everyone again.” And…I MEANT it. 

Now, you may be rolling your eyes and thinking “that’s easy for her to say & do.” I want to give context for those of you not familiar with autistic teen meltdowns: I have scratches and bruises throughout my right arm. 

We don’t do the internal work because life is “easy”, we do the internal work so we could be a tree so deeply rooted that no matter what happens we’re unwavering. 

I GET to choose what I want to focus on. 

Here’s the biz take away: you GET to choose what you want to focus on. You can either choose to devote time focusing on your past failed launches OR you can choose to focus on how excited you are for your upcoming launch (shift internally FIRST— you have to be energetically aligned with this). 

And you GET to choose to believe that clients are waiting to work with you.

You GET to choose to believe that your work matters.

And you GET to choose to embody the qualities of a phenomenal coach. 

You GET to decide how you want to BE internally. 

One of my deepest desires for you as a coach, entrepreneur, mom, wife and every role you have in this physical world is this: I want you to be a tree so deeply rooted that you’re unwavering. 

In your faith. In your business. In your marriage. In your relationship with your children. 

That when a client says no, or you get ghosted, or no one signs up during your live workshop or apply for your program or that payment failed to go through. That NONE of that matters. It doesn’t deter you or distract you. 

Because you’re unwavering in the belief that you’re a phenomenal coach and you were CALLED to do this work.

An exercise I want to invite you to practice: shift internally, and see how your physical world begins to shift with it. Not sure where to begin? 

Try this exercise: 

1. Think of situation where your nervous system is activated (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response).
2. Remove yourself from the situation, taking deep breaths in and out slowly.
3. Witness it from the lens of an observer.
4. Keep breathing through it.
5. What do I want to have happen? Visualize it (using all five senses).
6. How do I want to BE in this situation (what am I saying, how am I feeling, what am I doing, what do I see, how is my energy)?
7. What are the beliefs/truths that you can carry with you when a similar situation arise?

You did it. 

<3 Michelle