After last week’s incident, we’ve been working on rebuilding trust. 

School can be a tricky place for our Autistic children to navigate. 

There’s a lot of stimuli, and human behavior is oftentimes unpredictable. 

Something that Jacob has come to rely on is these lines. 

For him, these lines provide a roadmap and something to focus on that is predictable. 

Our Autistic children are amazing at creating rituals, routines, and something to fixate on, to make sense of an environment that can prove exhausting and confusing for them. 

One of the many accommodations we’ve advocated for is that all motor loops have to be completed and seen all the way through. 

Each day, we greet the school’s attendance lady, I sign Jacob in (since he’s on a modified schedule), he walks the hallways to class (with me trailing behind him), and someone meets him at the other end. 

If any of this is disrupted, it makes for a much more challenging day. For him, a challenging day bleeds into a challenging day at home, and vice versa.

We do our best to stick with rhythms and routines. For many autistic children, it provides them comfort to know what to expect. Our daughter has her own set of rituals that need to be done in a particular way to give her a sense of control. 

One of the questions we’ve asked older and more fluent spellers is how to introduce new motor loops. What we’ve learned from other Autistics in the non-speaking community is that it’s a gradual process: one small teeny tiny change at a time.

We try our best to start with the last step first. 

In some ways, this is very similar to habit loops. We all have them. We usually take the same route on auto-pilot. We clean our homes in a particular way. We brush our teeth and go about our evening routine without giving it much thought… now imagine if, in the middle of brushing your teeth before heading to bed, someone knocks at your door, and it’s your neighbor.

It would throw your rhythm off.

Or in the middle of cleaning your kitchen or laundry folding— you receive a call to pick up your child. These are all events that cause a change in our natural rhythm. We feel frazzled because we’re all creatures of habits. 

Thinking of routines along the lines of how we function gives us more compassion for our children. We talk a great deal about flexibility, but how flexible are WE? 

For my autistic daughter, watching how I navigate changes and situations as they arise, helps her to also do the same. 

Embodying patience when I’m short of patience. From waiting out my son to holding my tongue that longs to spill over and lash out. 

So, how do we rebuild trust after our Autistic children are shaken?

We take it one day at a time.

One step at a time.

We help them to create new routines they can rely on, to provide them a sense of security in a world that is oftentimes unpredictable.

So, we’re once again working on following the lines down the hallways that serve as a roadmap.

We’ve removed some of the “asks” which in this case was Jacob using his iPad to greet the sweet lady at the attendance office.

We want him to regain his sense of trust and security, and then work up to building that connection.

Related: The Day I Realized I Won’t Always Be Able to Protect My Autistic Son

Related: Helping Your Autistic Child To Regain A Sense of Self-Worth After Being Bullied At School